he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
