do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
