I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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