My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
