I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
