I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
