Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
