I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
