A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
