why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
