Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
