I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
