She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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