hotel room ftw
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
