So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
