You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
