Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
