i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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