I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
