if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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