Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
