Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
