So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Vodka?
Forever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
