Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
