Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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