I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
honey bunches of taint.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
