when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
