U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
