So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
