I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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