Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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