I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
