a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
