Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
your thong is hanging out like whoa
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
