I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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