Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
