Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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