my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
