Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
