I am puke
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
