all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
