Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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