i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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