I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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