Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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