I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
