508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
