Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
