I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
