Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm really busy with my period
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