I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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