you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
