woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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